This morning’s meeting was about gratitude. Despite what the many blogs say about gratitude meetings, I really haven’t heard a lot of moaning and groaning in the actual rooms. Maybe we are faking enthusiasm, I know I’ve had to bullshit willingness to even consider gratitude some days. But, I am a generally grateful person. I’m not going to list all that I’m grateful for on here, not today anyway (maybe that could be a Thanksgiving day post). I will mention a couple of things though. One of the awesome, rowdy ladies at the meeting said “I am responsible for that which makes me grateful”. It’s surprising to me what sticks sometimes. It seemed like a pretty basic thing to say, not a whole lot of flash, but I found myself thinking about it after she was done sharing.
It stands to reason that we should nurture the things and circumstances that we are grateful for in our lives, but I often treat them as fairly stationary, extraneous elements of my breathing-eating-shitting-sleeping existence. That isn’t to say that I am not grateful for them, it is more to say that I don’t often believe that they are a part of my life because of something that I am doing. As I type this, it seems kind of bonkers to think that I don’t have a conscious effect upon the positive parts of my life. It is so clearly untrue. The way I treat the people I love, the activities that I choose to pursue, my active participation in life–these are huge parts of my everyday. I let a lot of this go by the wayside when I was using. Most of it really. There was nothing active or nurturing about my relationship with my life and the people and things that are a part of it. I’m grateful as all hell that that is starting to change. Waking up more and more often with the energy to make an honest attempt at not only surviving the day but actually enjoying it is fucking brilliant.
I am responsible for that which I am grateful for. It comes down to me to give the first and last shit about whether my life is worth living. It’s a responsibility I’m ready to take on.
Hang in there.